Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
