just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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