at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
