The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
