Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
