i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
