Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
