I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
