i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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