I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
