from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
