Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize