She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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