She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
