It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize