I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
vagina is talking i cant
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize