I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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