god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
