no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
