Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Damn victory sex feels great
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