Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
