so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
