I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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