I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
