man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
