he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
