We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
