Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
