The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
