Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
