mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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