babies were throwing up all over the place
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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