I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
