im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
