3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My legs feel like baby dolphins
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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