okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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