I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do vagina's smell?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
