I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize