My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
