Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize