I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize