I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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