No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
