I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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