I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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