So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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