Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
