Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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