Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
