I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize