suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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