Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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