everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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