I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize