I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
