He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
