i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
