The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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