I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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