Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
