Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
