The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
