I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
