the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love having hate sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
