She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
