Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
