Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
