Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The power of my boobs compel you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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