So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
