Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
