just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
