: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
