Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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