there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
