i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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