not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
