moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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