I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
