I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This baby is an asshole
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
