there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
