you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
