I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So. Much. Porn.
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