I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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