Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
