If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
