She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
