I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
