I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
