Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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